Family A vs Family B
This may be my most personal entry ever tho it has a high chance of being deleted in no time cos I can predict myself feeling uncomfortable eventually about exposing too much inner thoughts.
Here goes:
It started with me spending half of last saturday laying bass tracks for Serenaide's 2010 project (which I can't go into details yet cos it might take years to complete, if ever) and during the drive home, I felt immense guilt for not having used the time to spend with the monsterlings. At that, I recalled a scenario sixteen years back, something I had told myself - that I wanted to grow old and live my life everything BUT 'normal'. And by 'normal' I mean something like: get married at 25, buy a flat soon after, have two kids by 30, a husband who works regular hours so on weekends we can take the kids to the zoo or just do stuff like kite-flying.
Now at 34, I realised I got pretty much what I asked for. Except.. its not what I want anymore. What I want would be that I had gotten married at 25, bought a flat soon after, have kids by 30, a husband who works regular hours so on weekends we could take the kids to the zoo or just do stuff like kite-flying. And all that came about from realising monsterlings grow up way too fast. Before you know it, they wouldn't be appreciating family time, zoo trips and kite-flying anymore. And I'd be regretting the days I had to negotiate that for other commitment.
And it doesn't help that I have a tough boss at recording (whether or not I'm married to him does NOT make it any easier) who expects every bass stroke to be consistently levelled and perfectly hitting on the exact beat. In other words, he expects a robot and its harder when I've been way out of practice.
Now. If it's so hard, I can always choose to drop it. There's always that option for less stress.
But nooo.. I chose to carry on, over-react, complain, fuss about. I guess there's just something unsettling if I don't proceed with it. It's like you can't close a book when you're not done with a chapter. That's the kind of commitment you get yourself into when you start messing with this whole band thingy. I think it was never within any of us to take it like something we can play with for a while then just drop it at any time without an accompanying heavy heart. Its really another kind of responsibility you have with another family (for me and the band at least).
So anyway. This entry actually comes with an appeal.
In years to come, by any chance any one of you finds out that my kids, in any way express hate (of any form) towards me, you HAVE TO, a must, compulsory action, put in the best of the best words for me! Jump in immediately at any mention of "Home for the Aged", ok?
Here goes:
It started with me spending half of last saturday laying bass tracks for Serenaide's 2010 project (which I can't go into details yet cos it might take years to complete, if ever) and during the drive home, I felt immense guilt for not having used the time to spend with the monsterlings. At that, I recalled a scenario sixteen years back, something I had told myself - that I wanted to grow old and live my life everything BUT 'normal'. And by 'normal' I mean something like: get married at 25, buy a flat soon after, have two kids by 30, a husband who works regular hours so on weekends we can take the kids to the zoo or just do stuff like kite-flying.
Now at 34, I realised I got pretty much what I asked for. Except.. its not what I want anymore. What I want would be that I had gotten married at 25, bought a flat soon after, have kids by 30, a husband who works regular hours so on weekends we could take the kids to the zoo or just do stuff like kite-flying. And all that came about from realising monsterlings grow up way too fast. Before you know it, they wouldn't be appreciating family time, zoo trips and kite-flying anymore. And I'd be regretting the days I had to negotiate that for other commitment.
And it doesn't help that I have a tough boss at recording (whether or not I'm married to him does NOT make it any easier) who expects every bass stroke to be consistently levelled and perfectly hitting on the exact beat. In other words, he expects a robot and its harder when I've been way out of practice.
Now. If it's so hard, I can always choose to drop it. There's always that option for less stress.
But nooo.. I chose to carry on, over-react, complain, fuss about. I guess there's just something unsettling if I don't proceed with it. It's like you can't close a book when you're not done with a chapter. That's the kind of commitment you get yourself into when you start messing with this whole band thingy. I think it was never within any of us to take it like something we can play with for a while then just drop it at any time without an accompanying heavy heart. Its really another kind of responsibility you have with another family (for me and the band at least).
So anyway. This entry actually comes with an appeal.
In years to come, by any chance any one of you finds out that my kids, in any way express hate (of any form) towards me, you HAVE TO, a must, compulsory action, put in the best of the best words for me! Jump in immediately at any mention of "Home for the Aged", ok?
posted by Mimi at
9:11 AM
0 Comments:
<< Home